Be Better, Please!

This has been bugging me for a while, but I didn't know whether or not I should verbalize it. I figured that maybe just getting it out of my system might be a good thing. Maybe I'm not alone in my thoughts and someone could relate.

I've been writing since I was a child. I am always so happy when I get things published and out in the world, and to birth a new book baby into existence. It makes me happy to see my works out there in the world. Although, I do get a bit down about the so-called "lit community" or "writing community". It really does feel like a clique sometimes, one that I will never fit into. There are some people who I really like and have supported me back.

However, on the whole I feel really unsupported and unseen. It makes me sad because I see my friends getting put on indie books you should read lists, see people promoting my friends books, and see my friends getting opportunities. I am happy for them. Yet, I never see myself on any of the indie books you should read lists and I rarely see my friends promoting my work yet promoting the works of others. I probably won't say anything, but I definitely notice. It makes me feel small and unwanted as I did in junior high school when I did everything the popular girls told me to do because I thought they were my friends, but they were just mocking me and made a fool of me.

I think, as a collective, people need to do a better job of including everyone on their lists. I know there are many indie authors and inevitably some people will fall through the cracks sometimes, but I also feel someone as prolific as I am should be on some lists. It's really discouraging to be excluded all the time. It's just like when I was picked last in gym class or the games in elementary school, and it hurts every bit as much. Please try to do better. This is all I request!

I really feel like being included on these lists would help me sell more of my books. I also feel like if you're friends with someone you should try to help them, and not simply watch them struggle which is what it feels like some of my so called "friends" are doing to me. I probably shouldn't take it so personal, but it's hard for me not to. I've been getting published since 2011 and I feel like no one knows me or my work. It's frustrating!